FPL Month 0: pre-season thoughts
Pre-season
is, by definition, the time of speculation. The transfer rumors, the contract
talks, the new arrivals, the promoted sides, the managerial changes – there’s a
lot to speculate about. And there’s never been shortage of speculators in FPL land.
The truth is it is great to speculate. The dilettante in me adores it. But, as weeks
go by, the certainties one firmly declares in an earlier stage of pre-season
(speculation is a territory of self-believe, very much due to its perfect
unaccountability), slowly but steadily turn into doubts – doubts that grow deeper
and darker by the day as GW1 deadline approaches. Because, really, FPL is a
game of superstition. All FPL managers are profoundly superstitious. Take me,
for example: in this year’s first draft, in late June, mostly for purposes of
team structure and funds spread, I got Jamie “Legend” Vardy in my squad; not
that I was sure of starting things off with him in the team, but the truth is I
kept him in for days, despite my relentless tinkering – and now, this close to
the season kick-off, I just can’t get him out, because I KNOW that, if I do, he’ll
score a brace against Wolves. And this is whilst being 100% sure that, by
keeping him, he’ll blank – and that is best-case scenario: Vardy’s on penalties
and Patrício is in goal (if you know what I mean). This is just an example. And
a pre-season one. We all know how neurotic one can get with the season underway. The 50-50 calls, the bandwagons, the wildcards, the chips, the
Walcott-like traps, the captain picks – there’s a lot to get superstitious
about. The ever-growing hi-tech statistical tools at our disposal are nothing
but a rational, cartesian reaction to the sheer inscrutable essence of FPL.
But what is
FPL, after all? As I tried to organize my pre-season thoughts, one thing kept
coming to my mind: my most memorable FPL moment was of fun, rather than
success, and was with friends, rather than by myself in front of any sort of
screen. It's without a shadow of a doubt I elect one specific moment: when Sturridge blew a penalty to the stands in the Merseyside derby, back in 2014 (footage here! And a game report here). By doing so, he not only failed to complete his hat-trick – getting
instead a frustrating -2 to his name and damaging his bonus chances –, he also prevented Gerrard,
the regular penalty taker, to get his second goal of the match (Stevie G would
never miss it). Both of them were in my team, Sturridge was my captain. They were
my antidotes to the infamous Luis Suárez – the man who simply took the league
by storm that season with his ridiculous performances, the man who had just scored
out of nowhere to guarantee yet another attacking return – whom I, in a moment
of absolute brilliance, promised solemnly not to own, no matter what, for some courageous,
noble reason... I can’t really recall. We were watching the game, me and two friends
of mine – two confident Suárez’ owners, both Sturridge- and Gerrard-less – in a
local restaurant, sitting at the counter underneath a big TV screen, three
empty plates of what had been what we could call garlic sandwiches in front of
each one of us, the two waiters staring at us both confused and amused about our excitement
with that rather exotic Monday night english game that no one in the room but the
three of us was watching. It was epic. The penalty is given. Gerrard is on a
brace. They throw their hands up in despair. I fist pump. We then see Sturridge putting the ball on the spot. It takes us a few seconds to fully get it – but
there he is, stepping up to take it. A moment of expectation. We all know each other’s
captain picks. Their despair deepens. Sturridge takes the shot... and the ball flies wildly over the crossbar! They celebrate it as if it was the World Cup
winning goal for Portugal. I collapse over the counter. A few seconds later we
are falling about with laughter. The waiters are clueless. We spent the rest of
the evening and very much the remainder of the season recalling that miss. I ended up in fourth place in our office private league that year, but it was great fun.
So, what is
FPL? FPL is about fun and friendship, that’s what it is.
